Kirsti Noem, our piece of shit Director of Homeland Security, is considering an insane idea for a reality game show where immigrants compete for citizenship.
Homeland Security Department spokesgoon Tricia McLaughlin described the pitch to The New York Times as a “celebration of being an American.” She said, “We need to revive patriotism and civic duty in this country.”
This “reality” game show is guaranteed to be the worst since the last Trump reality game show, The Apprentice.
If this sounds heartless, keep in mind that it’s being considered by Kristi Noem, who thought she’d score cool points with MAGA world by bragging about murdering a puppy. But, the idea was pitched by the same jackoff that created Duck Dynasty (fun fact: I was mostly raised where that redneck show is based). He previously pitched this hateful idea to the Obama and Biden administrations, but since they’re not stupid racists, they rejected the idea. Along comes Trump, where they’re listening.
McLaughlin said the department receives hundreds of pitches a year for potential television shows, and “Each proposal undergoes a thorough vetting process prior to denial or approval.” This one should have gone straight into a trash can.
An immigrant’s journey to become a United States citizen shouldn’t be mocked and used for our entertainment. And I don’t see anything in the Constitution about becoming an American citizen by winning on Wipeout. And that leads into my idea for a game show.
Do you want a TV game show in which immigrants compete for citizenship? Then let’s make it fair. It should be done like Jeopardy, but with two contestants. They’re asked civics questions, which immigrants have to answer anyway (there’s a test) when applying for citizenship. My game show will be different from what the Trump regime has in mind because in my game show, immigrants aren’t competing against each other. No, it’s better than that.
In my game show, an immigrant is competing against…wait for it….an American-born MAGAt. And they’re asked civics and history questions, shit they should know better than any immigrant. Questions like:
•How many branches are in the federal government?
•Which of those branches controls spending?
•Can a vice president refuse to certify a presidential election?
•How many terms is a president limited to?
•Explain the Emoluments Clause.
•Who was the chick who crawled on White Snake’s car? a.) Susan B. Anthony, b.) Tawny Kitaen, or c.) Betsy Ross?
•During his oath of office, a president swears his loyalty to a.) the United States of America or b.) Vladimir Putin?
•Is Habeas Corpus a Constitutional right?
•Is putting ketchup on a burned steak an impeachable offense?
•In World War II, were the Nazis the good guys or the bad guys?
•Is birthright citizenship a Constitutional right?
•Is Velma from Scooby-Doo LGBTQ?
•Can a president ask a state election official to give him an extra 11,780 votes without it being electoral fraud?
•Can he still ask if he says “pretty please?”
•Is it any of your business what Velma is?
•Is putting raisins in a potato salad grounds for treason?
•Does the Constitution allow an unelected asshole billionaire bureaucrat to be given access to fire government employees, shut down departments, and cut spending?
•Who makes the laws in the United States?
•Who shot JR?
•Is it the Constitution or the Bro Code that states, “Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil’s three-way?”
•Name the only president to be impeached twice and probably again for a third time.
•Which amendment states, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?”
•What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment?
• Explain the infield-fly rule.
•Who said, “The British are coming, a.) Paul Revere, b) Patrick Henry, or c) Ed Sullivan?
•Can an orange Oompa-Loompa of a president (sic) choose which federal court orders he wants to obey?
•Can an individual who waged war against the United States be eligible for the presidency?
•Name the middle daughter from The Brady Bunch.
•Fill in the blank in this sentence from the Constitution: “A ___________ militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
•Ginger or Mary Ann?
•The Emancipation Proclamation freed a.) slaves, b.)Leonard Hofstadter from the roommate contract, or c.) George Michael from Wham?
•Name the president (sic) who left office with the worst employment record since Herbert Hoover.
•Nuts or sprinkles?
*Who ya gonna call: a.) Ghostbusters, b.)Blondie, or c.) 867-5309?
•What is the Monroe Doctrine?
•Name one of the sons in My Three Sons.
•David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?
•What are the requirements to impeach a president?
•What is Richie Cunningham’s older brother’s name?
I would love this game, and the winner gets to stay in America. The loser gets deported. To spice it up, the loser gets deported to the nation of the winner’s choosing.
MAGAts don’t know history or civics. Do you know who does? Immigrants preparing for a US citizenship test, and the tests are easy, like “who was the first president?”. I can think of a lot of MAGAts I’d love to see be contestants on this game.
That is a game show I’d watch.